tHe ITcH Is Contagious!! ;)

after so many months....

2010-03-22T00:56:00.000-07:00

so.. from the last time i posted something here... nothing has changed, im still the unemployed yet stressed person that dreams of having a job the good news is nothing has changed but my dreams grew bigger... =) and i have a new inspiration... "blush"

and now i know exactly what i want for my 24th birthday..hehehe "evil grin"..

Someone went to HK and got me these...

2009-10-23T22:48:00.000-07:00

;) pasalubong

Hongkong Disneyland Mickey met Tokyo Disneyland Mickey met...

Hongkong Disneyland Minney!!!

this one is from cassie, its close to the chicken she promised and she said she bought it with my favorite color in mind...hehe sooo sweet...

no words.. im in love again..

2009-10-18T01:22:00.000-07:00

when i die, this is how i will go up to heaven.. ;)

list, list, list...

2009-10-02T06:16:00.000-07:00

i put my so-called bucketlist on my sidebar.. ;) theres been an addition and i think it'll be more easy to check on if it'll be on a more permanent position in this blog..weehheee.. ;)
that's all God Bless us all!!

what?

2009-09-28T03:54:00.002-07:00

why do i feel worthless? and hopeless? if i am worthless and hopeless why am i still here? is the application "how heartless are you" in facebook true? that im 90% heartless?

i suddenly realize this after reading a blog of a filipina abroad feeling helpless because shes far from manila and would have thrown herself in helping the flooded people if shed be here.
i cant see myself really caring for the flooded people in manila, except to those whom i know personally but why on earth do i feel like this? or why dont i feel anything? i feel disturbed by this, i know im a caring person but whats happening with me?

though im hoping that all those people who are capable of helping will help them for their long term needs.

August..

2009-09-27T00:07:00.001-07:00

Ok.. 2 birthdays this month.. my mom and my god-daughter/niece netanias bday.. I got to bake a cake for my mom but not for my niece, partly because I wasn't in the mood to make another cake because the cake I made for my mother is still in our fridge, my mothers bday was in the second week of august and my nieces bday was on the last And somehow it got to stay there until September. Another part of the story was her mother already ordered a little mermaid themed cake so no need for an amateur cake staying lonely in one side of the table. Pictures are not as good as I want it but I think that would just mean Im actually talking to people the whole time. ;)

She likes to wear knee high-multicolored socks during P.E...hehe

september fever

2009-09-26T22:59:00.001-07:00

tanduay first five in subic!!

weve long waited for this event and we thought were not gonna be lucky enough to get to the part with tickets but we managed after an unexpected "miracle" that gave me 5 tickets on the day of the event!! there's only five so its only me, pia, juli, bebe, and doods that went to the concert.. it was drizzling a little but i decided to close my umbrella and wear my jacket for better movement and jumping and screaming. rico blanco was the first to perform, he sang a couple of old songs and some new ones. i couldnt remember his songs that much since the umbrellas of the peeps in front are covering the stage and we were still waiting for bebe and doods at the back,so our attention wasnt on him.. the next performer to my surpirse was sandwich, with my poor eyesight i saw mong on stage while the host was still blabbering about the tanduay mixes and so on.. ;) i was actually looking for a long haired mong, but even he had his haircut months before and i just found out about that in a magazine recently i still recognized him in his mohawk! hes cutter than ever!! so there far from the stage i lay sight on his silhouete, then i asked my self or asked God "my God is that mong?". and hurriedly went looking for a better and closer spot. we were probably in the fifth row of people from the front at the right side of the stage, its the closest we can get. myrene and diego werent present, they "borrowed 2 guitarist from chicocsi" according to raimund, then they started, i was screaming as always and tried to sing along to their songs while taking pictures or videos(if i love the song). something i MUST, SUPER MUST remeber when in a concert is to never sing while recording a video or if my friend is recording a video. its sooo embaracing hearing my voice singing and shouting "i love you" in a distressing way while playing the videos after!! super kakahiya!
after sandwich was chicosci, im not a fan, their songs are familiar but i cant sing along..hehe maybe one of this days i might have their songs in my ipod. it seems like mong is more energetic when playing for chicocsi than with sandwich or maybe its just the songs lined up. chicocsi songs that night are more jump-y for them coz he got to jump, headbanging and tried to make the guitar circle his body (if that is what it is) but failed (halatang sa kanya lang ako nakatingin). his smile was so contagious and sweet. i was shouting his name from the moment sandwich started to chicosci's last song so i can tell him i love him.haha. but he didnt heard me.. it was sad but i realized i must have sounded like i was shouting mooooore or its not perceiveable at all because of my super high pitched voice. next was 6cyclemind who has lots of fans here. then the last was bamboo he didnt talk to the audience at all.. everytime his song ends he'd turn his back, try to drink water or just look or talk to the drummer, well maybe thats his style, he performed really well though or great? i just waited for my recent favorite "muli" which he did sung. lovely. and waited for him to finish the set, then its time to go home we ate at mcdonalds before we went home. its tiring but i would definitely do it agian!! more concerts please and thank you!!

Rico blanco far far away!

Sandwich!! LOVE...

Sandwich with chicosci!

Chicosci

Chicosci with mongs smile!!

6cyclemind

Bamboo!

US.. enjoying the drizzly, hot, happiest night of September!! ;)

if today is my last day... (2)

2009-08-31T00:33:00.000-07:00

(ive remembered some things to put on my list..;)

hearing this nickelback song made me ask my self if today is my last day could i say goodbye to yesterday?

the answer is a big NO.. no.. no..

ive seen young people pass so i know life can be too short and death dont excuse anyone so if its your time no one can save you if its not and youre just being tested you are more likely to be saved by CPR(can be basic or advanced). ;)
thinking about what i would leave behind feels so empty, it just feels like i have done nothing, especially to myself.. besides the fact that im still young, my nieces are still young, and havent had a job. there are so many things id like to do but i never even tried to have/experience them. i dont have to learn or know that ill be dying by this time or this year to prepare my bucketlist coz not a lot of people are given that oppurtunity so i'll start now ill take the first step, and my first step is to make my list.hehe

syempre dito ko ipopost ang aking list since this blog is becoming my list keeper and because i will never lose it with the pile of scrap papers, old pictures and reciept on my suppose to be organizing side/study bedroom floor. meaning i always can just take a peek here and ill be on track again with my bucketlist.. ;) (wishing i would never forget the password or delete the account unconsciously)

this is still in a random order. i have problems with prioritizing and remembering things.

learn to surf, and surf in many surfing spots in the world
watch a live linkin park concert (coz i didnt got the chance to watch them when they were here in Phil.)
travel with my nieces only
have tattoos
travel to great places (italy, rome, greece, etc.)
be able to travel the whole philippines (mula babuyan isld/batanes hanggang jolo pati kalayaan isld.)
learn to scuba dive, see LIVE FREE whales, dolphins, sealions, sharks, sea cows and more.
watch NBA and world cups live (my fav. teams only)
ride with the guys with big bikes that usually "ride" together.. (it doesnt matter where and who they are. before, i know i'll only be able to experience that in US but lately ive been seeing riders here in sbma, they all look americans, and they have the "mad dog" prints at the back of their jacket i think they will be fulfilling this dream..hehe ;)
....more to come

...

2009-08-18T07:18:00.000-07:00

i need to let go of someone in order for me to save him. its difficult but i have to try, i always complain, but never did the responsibilities, i always think about things to make him comfortable and ways for him to feel hes loved but thats what i always do just think. im tired, im pushed, i will always regret. for everyones peace of mind ill let him go, i dont think i can ever change myself, not while im here. i know you'll be better off.

new links!!

2009-08-13T07:47:00.000-07:00

i have added some new sites at my link list (links to better future)

the sites treehugger and planetgreen are sites for how to become green and alot of links to articles and projects and new knowledge about our daily footprints from carbon to some i just read awhile ago. this sites are not your basic how to go green and what to dos they have all the infos about how tos from getting your wardrobe, kitchen to your car green, they also have recent articles about new finds and researches about things we deal with everyday that turns out to be bad for the environment and many many more..

the sites one.org and akomismo are organization that i am a member. though the only help i could and have given so far is to sign a petition and add my self to the number of their members im still proud, especially when i know that they are really working and pushing to achieve their goals.

thats all for now, hope to put more links and to actually help out.. ;)

August..

2009-08-10T07:26:00.001-07:00

Dreamt of a cute baby boy some nights ago, I call it my baby.. soo cute.. I wonder when will i have my baby.. but ill just keep thinking for now. Maybe that dream was just connected to the cute babies that went out to this world some days ago.. welcome to the world babies hope to kiss, hug, and smother you with my love soon. Sadly they are not my nieces or nephews that we've been waiting for. But that's ok.. their time will come.. anyways, two dear people will be having a birthday this august and I wish to be busy in the kitchen again. whenever ill be busy in "real" life that's when I stop visiting cyber space, so lets expect no facebook, karma freeze and a boring blog. Whats new?hehe

2009-07-27T08:43:00.000-07:00

If today was your last day
By Nickelback
My best friend gave me the best adviceHe said each day's a gift and not a given rightLeave no stone unturned, Leave your fears behindAnd try to take the path less traveled byThat first step you take is the longest strideIf today was your last dayAnd tomorrow was too lateCould you say goodbye to yesterday?Would you live each moment like your last?Leave old pictures in the pastDonate every dime you have?If today was your last day,If today was your last day.Against the grain should be a way of lifeWhat's worth the price is always worth the fightEvery second counts 'cause there's no second try,So live like you'll never live it twiceDon't take the free ride in your own lifeIf today was your last dayAnd tomorrow was too lateCould you say goodbye to yesterday?Would you live each moment like your last?Leave old pictures in the pastDonate every dime you have?Would you call old friends you never see?Reminisce of memoriesWould you forgive your enemies?Would you find that one you're dreamin' ofSwear up and down to God aboveThat you finally fall in loveIf today was your last dayIf today was your last day...Would you make your markBy mending a broken heart?You know it's never too lateTo shoot for the stars,Regardless of who you areSo do whatever it takes'cause you can't rewindA moment in this lifeLet nothin' stand in your way'cause the hands of timeAre never on your sideIf today was your last dayAnd tomorrow was too late,Could you say goodbye to yesterday?Would you live each moment like your last?Leave old pictures in the pastDonate every dime you have?Would you call old friends you never see?Reminisce of memoriesWould you forgive your enemies?Would you find that one you're dreamin' ofSwear up and down to God aboveThat you finally fall in loveIf today was your last day

seems just like yesterday..

2009-07-19T10:47:00.000-07:00

and now she's 8...
i made her a cake, a pink pig cake..
we celebrated her birthday over lunch, we were complete..

simple and sweet!!

(ps. im not tryn to make a poem..) ;)

It (bleep) s*cks!!

2009-06-23T08:25:00.001-07:00

Last week was terrible,

I got lost from my so called freakin diet and I have to go back to day 1!!

And we could not celebrate fathers' day because the kids are sick!!!

And this week is starting to s*uck too..

cassies been absent from school since Monday we could really make use of the incoming storm,

storm=no classes,

no classes=cassie not missing sooo much at school..hehe ;)

let's tink!!

2009-06-17T19:57:00.000-07:00

hey, hey, hey!!! tinkerbell fever mode!! pls visit this site that promotes energy saving with the help of tinkerbell and friends. i've added a link list at the side of this blog titled "LINKS TO BETTER FUTURE!!" where i hope i can add more sites that gives infos about helping mother earth and stopping climate changes or just helping out people who are in need. i also have a banner at the bottom of this blog that can link you to the site.

we are all feeling and seeing the effects of bad habits to our wolrd so let's all learn what we can do and start to help... ;)

finally found yah!!!

2009-06-16T05:56:00.000-07:00

since i got the Disney's Tinkerbell header i want to also share this wonderful soundtrack from this movie... fly to your heart by Selena Gomez

tink is sooo cute.. i love disney!!! ;)

Diet

2009-06-13T07:26:00.000-07:00

its been a week since i started the "diet" and im happy with what i have achieved(if it can be called that.hehe) 1 week with no softdrinks, yey!

this week the "diet" is no juices and no softdrinks and hopefully i can add some exercises coz im feeling weak again and feeling skinny again. (just feeling weak not the weak that cant-carry-a-pail-of-water or cant-move kind of weak.hehe) i need to have a schedule, reaaally badly...

again... i wish myself a huge goodluck..hehe

New yearning.

2009-06-07T06:49:00.001-07:00

Since I can picture myself working and earning, I've been daydreaming about these expensive stuffs again..hehe

Iphone

Mac laptop

SONY photo LCD (latest)hehe

My own home/new room (no photo available ;))hehe

My dogs

( im not sure if i really want this super small dog or its just the cuteness of the costume.hehe)

and these.. i love the fact that they really look live wolves.. and for me, they always look clean and cool..hehe:)

Good gifts for the coming birthdays of my nieces (havent made up my mind yet) ;)
and more...

its really not good to yearn for material things or unnecessary splurges and additional responsibilities in the middle of being broke but since I've been trying to look at the good side/bright side of things I have come up with the answer that I can use them as "inspirations" to look for work and work hard. I don't think I really need inspiration to look for work but it helps. Last month, I passed a couple of resumes but unfortunately no calls yet, I already looked at bulletin boards but nothing for my course. Registered to jobstreet and workabroad but since I don't have experience I cant apply but I still try. ;) im still hoping to find my place soon. ;p

First days…

2009-06-07T06:48:00.001-07:00

Tomorrow is Cassies' first day at her new school and guess who's taking her to school?..... its me again. I don't want to complain anymore, I think its better, for my niece and for my mental health. The more I complain, the more I get sad then I move on to being hateful then angry, (angry all the time/easily get angry) its really tiring. I'm trying to see the reason behind what I'm facing at the moment and to look at the bright side first before I'll complain.hehe

During the summer break I managed to convince her parents to enroll her to a ballet class. She's suppose to continue her ballet after school but since her schedule at school is 2:30-5:30pm she cant attend because the ballet starts at 5pm. I love seeing how proud her cousins were when she was performing with her classmates, they don't mind even if they're not synchronized and most of the time its Cassie who's not.hehe

Here's some pictures from her ballet recital

Tomorrow I plan to start a healthy lifestyle. I sooooo wish I can stick to this one. But first I'll start with a healthy diet. My idea of a healthy diet is NO softdrinks ever!! And right amount of food then if ill have a chance, ill exercise. I really need to build up some muscle at my back so my scolio wont get worse and lessen the flab on my stomach so my back wont have to carry that weight. Soo eiw..

I wish myself a HUGE goodluck.. ;)

wut.

2009-05-29T18:42:00.001-07:00

in the midst of financial crisis and my obvious broke-ness, im IN-LOVE with these expensive stuffs and a lot more that i might be posting sometime... ;)

(i just noticed that i love accesories with rose designs)

im really into this shades, i like the blue one which is not in the photo.

im really wanting a job right now!!!..

whow...

2009-05-05T07:20:00.000-07:00

i hope i can be back soon...

its sooo sad... i didnt remeber its this blogs first year aniv?

its sooo sad... i coudnt find time and energy to post something for my birthday..

the good thing is i had a happy birthday.. ; )

Hangover and Leftovers'

2009-03-11T07:14:00.001-07:00

Of what had happened with me this past 'may I say' eventful few months?

Let me take you back this January.

My friends and I had a get together but sadly yvet couldn't come but a new found friend Doods was there and actually paid for the bills..hehe thanks pare!!

February,

My mama went to Palawan and her Pasalubong is the sand from this beach. Aaww..(she knows that I collect beach sands wherever I go)

My Nieces Ania and Cassie danced with their classmates as cheerleaders for their Foundation day.

Bebe and Pias' Birthdays were celebrated with dinner, an alcoholic drink and finale of pinoy fear factor.

March,

I went to my BFF Lens' thanks giving party for passing the November Nursing Licensure Exam.
At a resort in Pampanga

Cassie turned 4!! She celebrated her bday at her school.

And the happiest day of my life!!! I went to see the eraserheads final set!!! Thank you Yvette for accompanying me!! I love you!!!

Guys if you're reading this I love you!! Thank you for giving such a great performance!! Ely, Pa-kiss!!! Raimund, akin na lang ung Blue Rayban shades mu! Buddy and Marcus, pa-picture!!haha

(more photos and some videos at my multiply!!) if i already uploaded them!!hehe

A

2009-03-11T06:36:00.001-07:00

(copied from marelle) ; p

Rules: It's harder than it looks! Copy to your own note, erase my answers, enter yours, and tag 10 people. Use the first letter of your name to answer each of the following questions. They have to be real. Nothing made up! If the person before you had the same first initial, you must use different answers. You cannot use any word twice and you can't use your name for the boy/girl name question.

Game!

1. What is your name: April
2. A four Letter Word: Ally
3. A boy's Name: Andres
4. A girl's Name: Ami
5. An occupation: Architect
6. A color: Aqua? A
7. Something you wear: Acid washed jeans?hehe
8. A food: Apple? Or Afritada.hehe
9. Something found in the bathroom: Apple flavored bubble bath cream? I love it
10. A place: Atlanta?
11. A reason for being late: Any type of Accident.
12. Something you shout: Aray! Or Arouch!
13. A movie title: A brave heart or Aquamarine
14. Something you drink: Alcohol?hehe or Apple juice
15. A musical group: Abba
16. An animal: Ant-eater
17. A street name: Asinan
18. A type of car: Accord?
19. A song title: Angel by Leona lewis
20. A verb: Abandon

JOIN!JOIN!JOIN!

2009-02-22T06:12:00.000-08:00

hey guys theres this "fill-a-plane contest" by KLM Royal Dutch Airlines where you can win a trip to Amsterdam. its easy to join just register and invite others to join. i just joined and im inviting those who would find this blog to join in.
just click the sticker/banner at the right side of the blog.
join now. who knows you may be lucky enough and find yourself on your way to europe! who doesn't want a free trip?hehe join us!!!

please and thank you!!!

cuteness

2009-01-29T05:57:00.000-08:00

i went to pick up my 7 yr old niece from her school today and when we were buying something at a convenient store a little girl, probably 7-10 yrs old was singing along with Neyos' song MAD with the radio. i find it unusual to see a little girl liking songs like that, but when i went home i realize its not unusual its just plain cute, my little niece cassie sings and dance when i grow up by the pussycat dolls, Bleeding in love by Leonna lewis, i staly in love by mariah Carey and a whole lot more and most of them are in my ipod. ; >

its just so cute. just sharing.

new things

2009-01-26T01:50:00.000-08:00

got a new hair cut.. its like my last haircut which is not what im going for but theres nothing i can do now.. with bangs again...hehe im still forcing myself to like it..hehe

2009-01-24T07:08:00.000-08:00

too long to be another comment...hehe

Thanks marelle.. hehe honestly, alam kong im just delaying the job hunting, but my reasons are my fear and what i said on the last paragraph of my entry "still thinking". i think im trapped coz i want to change things(i feel like they have to change before i'll leave them for work). i do not want to work here in Olongapo, i dont think ill be independent here.hehe anyways i feel like if i leave everything will fall to one person.

No one knows about this change things i want to do, because i want it to occur "naturally". naturally as in they'll realize it without me pointing it out because if i say it, it wont be understood. trust me, because im always wrong.hehe i know im not smart, especially with living life but i think ive seen enough for me to know that i might be right on this one and im doing this for love.hehe gulo noh? nde ko kasi pwedeng sabihin, at nde ko din ma-explain ung gusto ko.hehe

anyways txt mo ako kung alam mu na kung saan bibili ng tikets sa eheads ha..;)

in relation to the change thing, me and my mama have a trip to palawan on the first week of feb. and from the moment i said i want to come they've been thinking for reasons for me not to come. most of their reasons makes me feel selfish again and its true that im being selfish but i think this would start the change im saying. if they survive for 4days without me and mama then i can start looking for a job. ;) and besides this oppurtunity could start a new mother-daughter relationship, we could bond.hehe

You’re a lonely soul

2009-01-21T23:32:00.001-08:00

(this is a very old post, this was from last year but I think I forgot about it so it never got posted. Its weird because I still feel this way and the routine is still this way. How sad!!)

I miss a lot of people right now. i feel so lonely, every good thing or a day doesn't seem to be complete. My friends from college are too busy to be bothered and I don't know where the others are anymore. My friends from high school are either busy for work or looking for work or at home but can't go out. For the past "free" days(it's a long weekend) I'll wake up on an empty house because my family decided to go somewhere they think I don't want to go. My everyday routine would be, waking up at 7am, bring cassie to school wait there 'til 11am, go home, lunch, usually sleep until 4pm, either watch cassie practice her dance or teach her homeworks or watch T.V., eat dinner, watch t.v. try to sleep until 1 or 2 am(usually my time of sleep) then start again. I cant complain, im not doing anything, im not looking for a job and I have nowhere to go. I guess this is what you get after years of studying with duties at the hospital and doing researches for case presentations then suddenly you stop. Since I have no plans of working anytime soon I think im stuck here till I can get an excuse to leave, which is doing something work related. I want a vacation, I want to pamper myself in the way im imagining it. After I get those things I think that'll be the time for me to move on, but there's no sign I can get them. There's no one to be with, no enough money and it feels like there's no time anymore.

I’m still thinking.

2009-01-21T23:19:00.001-08:00

I told myself that this year I'll look for a job. But even if my mom reminds me of that everyday and my friend ask me to come with her in her interviews so that I can pass my resume I seem to find myself still trapped. I cant force myself to go to manila I always have this "barter" with myself that ill only go to manila if I have a place to stay in so that I can take my time. I know there's still something to do or complete but ill always look for another thing to do before ill complete them.

I don't think the way or the reasons "they" are dying to "influence" me about me looking for a job is helping at all, they just made me more confused, stressed and pressured and I think with all those feelings or emotions in me my mind tend to shut-down and that's why I have never come up with what ill do for my future. I know it sounds stupid and dramatic but that's just how I feel right now and I know that I can easily be manipulated by them and that's why I'm very cautious when I listen to them that sometimes I think that everything they would say is always a bad thing for me which is very selfish in a way. I have made my decisions before and I thought that they'll understand and try to support me but they became impatient seeing me doing nothing everyday of my so called "vacation".(nothing as in nothing that they tell me to.) I was told that im turning 23 this year and that im old enough to decide for myself, but they say that after I said No to what they told me what to do. Whats the point of telling me that I can decide for myself when they wont take no for an answer?

I think I know what I need to do and that's to tell them what I really want and ask them to understand me. Its simply to speak up for myself and speak in a normal "explaining" way. Easy to say or write but hard for me to do. Really,really hard, seriously hard. Id rather pray that something hit me in the head and give me something good to do that'll make them most happy. I find it hard to speak up to them because im afraid to be hurt, to wait or to hope and then I'll realize that I've been manipulated to do what they told me to do in the first place which happens most of the time. I see and understand that they cant change, if this is how they see things it'll stay that way forever and there is no room for consideration. i find it selfish of them and it hurts me that this is also what traps me here, I want to change it but at the same time I have to move forward with my life. So there, even If I thought I have decided before im still thinking and rethinking actually because I saw another way. Is this really what's confusing me or I gave in to them again and I am manipulated again?

Bye 2008, Welcome 2009.

2009-01-06T05:30:00.001-08:00

Blessings of 2008. It's been a good year for me there are so many blessings that I always manage to forget that's why I thought I had a bad year. So remembering them now makes me feel happy about last year. Here are some of the good things I'm remembering right now plus a "comment/suggestion/wish/to do" for this New Year.

My dad went home 2 times this year. March and September. (For this year, hope he will still be ok "out there" but it would be better if he'll be back home for good.)
I graduated. (This year I have to have a work, a paying one.)
I passed my board exams. I thank God for this, there is some divine intervention there, I know. ; ) (if ever I'll get the chance to take the ielts or nclex exam this year I hope id pass them too! But my goal for this year is to find work so to pass the interviews would be great too!)
My 3 year old nieces went to school and they are learning a lot. (this year id make it my goal no.2 to convince their parents to enroll them to ballet school during summer, they like dancing and Cassie obviously have the talent, this would be a great foundation to their future)
My 7 year old nieces reading skills are improving and she got a bronze medal from kumon for her math (I'll be more supportive, PATIENT and patient to her this year. Be more patient to her!! I'll make this my order to myself... ; )
My childhood friend Karen visited us for a week from Bacolod. Its been years since we last saw each other. (this year I'll be more friendly, see good things in people first before I'd hate them… ; ))

I think that's all I can remember for now.

Here are some things that id like to do for this year, it still have a connection with my birthday resolution which I have to check 3months + some weeks from now.

The change I have to do. A lot have happened last year but I still can't feel any improvement. This s*cks.
The me time. Yes I already spent 7 months without doing anything and still didn't get the "me time" I want to talk to myself. *weirdo*hehe I think other people call it (some kinda like) reflecting, but I know there's a word for it which sounds so much better and appropriate. Hehe

I hope id really find the courage and patience to do what I want, this is probably what I lack most of the time that's why I'm stuck to what I am now.

Merry xmas to all!!

2008-12-05T06:31:00.001-08:00

My xmas wishlist for santa!!

Books to feed my head. Complete books of harry potter (with the shelf thing-y). 3 books of twilight saga or up to the latest if available in time you'll give it to me. =). Garden spells(if I haven't bought it yet). Latest books in nursing (preferably in pedia and surgery).
Laptop. The black macbook or hp with an astig design on the cover.
Lots of nike bags and shoes.
Nike+ipod device.
Kitchen make-over and money for tuition(for culinary school)

(p.s.) you can disregard all of the things ive said if you can give me mike shinoda or Robert pattinson(in an Edward mood) or the bestest a nephew!!

What?.. im asking santa not just anybody..haha

I wish everyone a very merry Christmas and a peaceful and good new year!!! In advance!!! ;)

FLOWERS

2008-11-05T07:39:00.001-08:00

Every year at November 1 we always visit our resting relatives at our province Bataan. Its been a tradition for us to bring food and always try to bring every member of the family. It only started when we moved the remains of our resting relatives to a private cemetery. When we were still at the public cemetery my aunt and I are the only ones spending the night there sometimes my mom will be there too. As a kid I liked to climb the towering tombs there and make balls out of melting candles and buy palamig outside the church and try to find my way back like in a maze, every year that was what I have been expecting every time. Now, every year I'm excited to make flower arrangements, we could buy beautifully arranged flowers but it has a different feeling when you're the one who made it. I personally feel its my way of sending them my love besides praying and lighting candles. I have always liked putting flowers from our own garden it feels like there's lots of love.hehe someday I'll be able to grow pretty flowers and that's what we'll use but for now those little leaves and humble flowers that is available in our garden are adding a little love. I know my flowers are not the most beautiful but im really proud of it..hehe

HERE ARE SOME OF THE FLOWERS I'VE ARRANGED. i cant seem to find the pictures of the ones i made before.

this one's from 2006. the violet orchid on top is from our garden. it smells great too!

Halloween special

2008-11-05T07:38:00.001-08:00

Happy Halloween!!

I baked some sweets for my dear princesses, I was kinda hoping they'll gobble-up my muffins but they're more excited to have candies which we don't have so their trick or treat party seems to be incomplete. Oh well, how will my baking ever surpass the goodness of candies and anyways "trick or treats" are supposedly candy mania for kids.

BUT their compliments like "tita, ang galling mu mag-bake!" and "tita sarap mu mag-bake ah! And the best, "pwede ka ng magbake katulad ni Kim Sam Soon" are enough for me to bake again for them. I have to learn frosting and decorating its what they look for now, they are used to my baking and I've heard them say these every time so when they saw that my cake and muffins have something extra they have something extra to say too! I love seeing them happy and I love to hear them say they love me or what I do, maybe its because they are honest and very expressive although most of the time their criticisms are very cruel for kids to say, its ok for me because I know they also hear those words from me, so im a bad tita!!hehe

THE CHOC CAKE AND MUMMY MUFFINS!

DIRTY CAKE..

GREEN PUNCH..

GRAVEYARD MUFFINS

the ideas are of course from the internet!!hehe
there's more photos at my mutiply!

I realized something as I am writing this post, when I started thinking about putting this Halloween thing together I've been unstoppable. When I have to go to the grocery which I wont do if there would be no car or a companion. I still went, although I dragged Cassie with me its something I really wont do. I felt a little sense of giving up during the time I was decorating them because of the feeling that it wont be appreciated and that no one wants to celebrate it(except my nieces) I still finished it. This is a new thing for me because whenever I feel those things I'll stop. It's a good thing, so I have to keep it up. I know its my nieces that's changing me, being able to spend this long time with them I get to know them better and we got closer to each other. I hope by the time I got a job I'll still be able to be with them every time we have to celebrate something. I hope our Christmas will be better.

What's in the mind of three years old kids?

2008-10-25T08:42:00.000-07:00

lets try to see by reflecting on my nieces questions, reactions and suggestions. and the words they say when they forget the real words. ;)

1.(Ania looking at Ate Dory) it seems like she's thinking..

after a few seconds she called for her and shouted "NEMO!"

2.(Cassie, Angry): "ano ka ba? Ahas o talong?"

3.me: "na-iihi na ako." Ania: "may diaper ka nman db?"

4.Cassie: "pagmalaki na ako, malaki na ako."

5.Cassie: "kapag pwede na ang bata, pwede na."

6.(kuya, driving): "anu na. san ba tayo pupunta?"
another kuya: "sa san fernando na lang."
tita: "sa clark na lang."
(out-of-nowhere) cassie: "eh ikaw na lang kaya mag-isip ikaw naman nag-ddrive eh!!"

when i heard them say these, i cant stop myself from laughing!

these are only some of the many silly yet smart answers by my nieces. their mind is filled with good things, their world is a huge playground with cartoon characters running around, from their eyes everything and everyone is just like them. they're so innocent and free. sometimes id like to go back to my days when i was just three years old.hehe for them everything is simple when they can reach it, its an adventure when they cant.

Time flies when youre having Rum(EDITED!!)

2008-10-02T03:56:00.001-07:00

I read this(the title) from a shirt worn by joyce Jimenez, if I remembered it correctly.hehe

Its been a while, its either im not in the mood to write or im not inspired. I think I blog more often when im down , lazy or in the verge of ranting. I know some people use blogging as their outlet of different feelings, which is cool because some people "like me" who find it entertaining to read other persons lives are pleased. Atleast its written by the persons who is in the topic themselves so Its not as bad as gossiping, I think.hehe

September went by so quickly, and its almost the second week of October. time really flies. So here's what had happened with me the past month!

Pia and I went to manila to apply in some institutions there and sadly we failed. Its not that we didn't get accepted its just that we didn't even have the chance to pass our resume. First hospital (to)we went to is a very "prestigious" one, we are aware of the attire which is formal so we just brought the clothes so it wont be crippled while were on the trip. When we were there its like the people are applying for an executive position and our clothes can be considered as a simple and casual attire and for us its our most formal wear. Grabe.. we got intimidated so we didn't even changed. Second hospital requires a lot of papers to pass, they need nbi, police and barangay clearance. I think the administrator of that hospital is paranoid and thinks that every applicant is a terrorist. The Third hospital will only accept resume next year! Come on. Its such a waste of time and money and our shoulders and legs are aching after that. So to give our selves a (brake)break we went to MOA and pia's friend want to see her so we went to Trinoma so far yes it is but she said she's buying pizza so we went. Hehe when were about to go home we decided to wait for the bus infront of SM north while the heavy rain pours with only one little umbrella, a couple of buses to Olongapo just passed by and after almost an hour(I think) of waiting we thought that we might be in a wrong place and that they CANT stop there because they're not allowed to stop there. So we rode a jeepney with a very nice driver who brought us to the place where he knows we'll get a bus home. There's a waiting area but its already full, so we still have to wait in the rain. A very sad truth about getting into a bus is you have to run to the bus while other buses are moving infront and at your side. Pia was scared(sorry.hehe) but we have to or else we'll sleep there.hehe so after an unsuccessful attempt running to the bus we managed to have a ride home the second try.
There's this family day activity at Cassie and Ania's school but Cassies mom and dad cant come so its just me. There's games and good food. Mahirap pala talaga ang hep hep hurray! I got confused even if its not as fast as they do it in the show.hehe the kids participated in some games too and they won.

One lonely day in September at our house, Out of boredom and with the urge to do something my friends and I came up with an exciting idea which we are still working on right now and hopefully finally push thru and show to the world before December. I don't want to spill the details (I really do want to) its just that since its not final and I don't want to jinx it or whatever that might stop it from happening.

Just as a teaser here's our "project". Im so excited!!!

star signs

2008-09-01T04:27:00.000-07:00

i don't believe in astrology stuff with a 100 percent but i think its worth putting in my mind.

from the star signs of OK! magazine Philippines September 2008 issue.

Taurus: Be content to know that your life is proceeding, as it should be at the right pace and at the right time. it may seem uneventful to you now and the temptation to become impatient is strong. Just allow the natural process to occur with no control or complaining on your part. Life is sweeter when you get what you want effortlessly.

when i read it, i thought this could be the answer to my prayers. but could God really be this clear? i remembered that i asked God if i should stick to my decision about my life and not to listen to the people who are pushing me to act right now and do things i don't want to. they say its for my own good and that i am fortunate to be able to know about this "opportunity:". i doubt so i asked God what to do. i know I'm not the most religious person you would know. i don't even go to church every Sunday but i know that God knows i fear him, and most of all i believe in Him. especially when i ask some answers from him coz i know he never fails to give me a sign or an answer EVERYTIME, but this time it think this is the most detailed and sort of explained answer, since its the first time i got an answer in words though. before the signs were colors or gestures. I'm really staying with my decision no matter what. i now know that God is on my side..;)

God is really great indeed!! thanks!!

Eheads!!!

2008-08-31T04:02:00.000-07:00

waah.. soooo sad what happend to ely.. buti na lang he's ok pa rin.. i hope meron pang take 2(ung concert).. i swear i'll keep my eyes and ears super open para malaman ko ng maaga na meron silang concert!!!! kaiinis..

their song huling el bimbo was the first song i ever memorized as in.. i think its the song that brought my attention to pinoy music but i didnt really got addicted or become a super fan pero iba lang talaga sila.. tumatatak eh..

i read from a blog that some of the people who were there are asking for refunds. grabe naman kayo naka-15 songs na kayo umaarte pa? super sulit na un makita lng sila magkakasama. if i can i'd buy a ticket kahit di ako makakapunta, para lang may remembrance..hehe inabangan ko pa nga kung may ipapakitang flash report ng concert at pinanuod ko pa ung konting-konti na feature ng "jessica soho"(tama ba?) sa eheads. tas sad news pala ang makikita ko..hay.. ok pa rin kasi kahit ganun ang nangyari nagkasama ulit sila at tumogtog para satin.. da best, lalo na kung nandun ako..hehe

i hope meron pang 2nd chance.. pleasssee..

i hear the wedding bells ring...

2008-08-23T04:19:00.000-07:00

last Aug. 20 2008 around 9:00 am i just got married. according to our speaker there's no turning back, this is the path that we choose and must stick to it through good or bad and whatever they say in weddings that end up in till death do us part, Duh! i will never stick to this marriage. I'll just try it for a couple of years then really look at where i can go for the rest of my life! and by the way my oath taking ceremony for being a registered nurse is the marriage I'm talking about. as the speaker said its like marriage because its the last ceremony that a nurse-to-be would take to be able to spend the rest of our lives being a nurse. the christening would be the capping and pinning ceremony, the "kumpil"(i don't know the English term) would be the GALA ceremony and the wedding is the oath taking.

although I'm ready to join the working field, I'm not ready to leave a lot of things. i just learned that I'm not really strong and not independent. i depend on the love i get from my nieces, i want to always be a part of their everyday and make sure they'll always have someone to help them which i think would be me.

unlike what i thought before, i need them. its probably why I'm having a hard time gathering guts to move to manila to find work. i know i should go it would make me learn a lot of things about life and about me but my heart and body feels heavy whenever i would try. i guess a good vacation can make things right.haha

i miss this!!

iba talaga ako!!

2008-08-23T04:06:00.000-07:00

i just proved that being a good person(helpful,patient sometimes and etc.), somehow looking "strict", and weak add up some deafness(by choice) and super KAKAPALAN ng muka and a little kaplastikan(w/c i only do if really needed to) will pay you lots and lots of good situations in your life. i just made a super tigas ng ulo, with a slight mental difference from normal.;) bend to me!! she just said sorry.. haha her mother took ages and needed a lot of help from other people to make her say that, and the funny thing is i didnt even feel guilty or feel any of her rage..haha i think im too lovable to be angry at..haha .joke.

that's all..;)

Celebration

2008-08-11T02:09:00.001-07:00

My mom is turning 60 this august 13 but we celebrated it earlier for my "thanks-giving" celebration. Its sad that there were no photos taken because no one remembered, we were all busy entertaining guest. I got lots of hugs and kisses that day, I didn't know its going to be like that, its like they're really happy for me and proud too! I expected my relatives to be like that but my mothers friends looks like they're more happy than them.hehe I also received compliments from the foods I made. I made a baked macaroni (they say they love it!) I made a blueberry and cream cheese spring roll and a Banoffee pie. I didn't perfected the recipes I got from the Cook magazine and http://www.pinoycook.net/ but they still turned out fine except the banoffee pie-this pie is still in the freezer, it's a banana-coffee pie it taste good but its not presentable and the crust is hard and the filling is too "liquid" it'll all go to the lowest point of the pie if I don't freeze it.

this cute lola was on top of my mothers birthday cake!!

the yummy baked mac

(some of the cheeses didnt melt coz i was in a hurry.hehe)

this is my cake!

The love that was Charlie.

2008-08-02T03:04:00.001-07:00

Before, I wrote a composition about you in my English class and the title is "The love that is Charlie" I wish I have kept it. I know compostitions are not enough to show you how special you are.

Whatever it is, I'll take the blame. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I wasn't there. I'm sorry I never gave you the time you asked for. I'm sorry I didn't notice your pain.I know I have been neglecting you, I'm sorry. This stupid pride of mine put you in a situation you do not deserve. This selfishness made me neglect you, im sorry. I should have called your name last night and said goodnight like I always do, maybe that'll change things and you'll still be here. I know there's nothing I can do now to bring you back I just hope now that you're far from me you're happy. You deserve to be in a place where you can feel how to be loved and cared for, sadly and true that you would not feel it here with me. It is very sudden that you left, I hope you did not suffer. My efforts are always less but you never fail put a smile on my face. You seem to be happy every time you see me and now I'll never see you again, all I can do is to remember you. I miss you already. Thank you for the time and happiness you bring to my life, to our life, you did not only touched my heart you also have my family and friends love. We'll miss you Charlie.

"the love that was charlie, the love that was my puppy"

Clutter or Treasure?

2008-08-02T03:02:00.001-07:00

I decided to throw away my collection of clothe tags and the "wrapper" of bottled drinks and the caps of Snapple. I started collecting them when I was in high school, it feels like im throwing away precious treasures from my "childhood" but it looks like clutter. Most of the tags are from penshoppe actually even if you wouldn't know about this you'll know that most of my shirts are fro penshoppe. Anyways most of the wrappers I collected is from Snapple. I just love that drink, and since they say that "Snapple is made from the best stuff on earth" and no preservative I think its healthy. Sometimes you'll find 'real facts" on the caps which are fun to know.hehe Most of my caps don't have facts but Here's what I have collected:

REAL FEACT # 4- Slugs have 4 noses
REAL FACT # 8- A bee has 5 eyes
REAL FACT #77- No piece of paper can be folded more than 7 times
REAL FACT #133- Honeybees navigate by using the sun as a compass
REAL FACT #147- Panama is the only place in the world where you can see the sun rise on the pacific and set on the Atlantic.
REAL FACT #157- The first TV soap opera debuted in 1946.
REAL FACT #181- The first jukebox was located in San Francisco in 1899.

More real facts at Snapple.com

Performer?

2008-08-02T03:01:00.001-07:00

My niece Cassie won their talent show and represents their class to 3 other barangay day care contestants and the other class in their school. She did not win the second elimination but we're so proud of her. She got shy and conscious that's why she "forgot" some of her dance steps but its still fine. I hope she grows up to be a confident person, she has a lot to show the world and I'm glad she loves to learn them. Shes only 3 years old so the fact that she ran away when she was called to perform is acceptable. Hehe but she performed and finished the whole song after all the other girl contestants performed.

Here's some pictures: (more pics in my multiply)

wishlist..

2008-07-25T08:18:00.000-07:00

time to check on the developments on my wishlist..;) i am super very happy.. as in over the top kind of happiness but its not showing!!

1. to pass the board exams and my friends and classmates too!! this June 100% please!! (purely divine intervention) = i passed the boards!! i now can put RN after my name.. i am happy but the celebration is still not complete bcoz within my circle of friends two did not made it..

2. for a peaceful vacation to a beach and learn surfing..

3. for a Digital camera

4. for aPSP = got it!! thanks to my brother..hehe

5.for an ipod touch =i got ipod nano, its not what i wished for but i think its what i really need.. thanks to my ninang..:)

6.for a Rottweiler or a cocker spaniel = i dont think i should pursue this wish i dont think ill have time for another dog.. i dont even have time for my current dog.. poor baby..

7. for a date with mike shinoda(i must be sleeping now..) = i know this is to good to be true but ill keep on wishing..hehe their latest cd is the closest thing i could ever get..hehe

8.for a laptop

9. for a new cellphone

10.for a body piercing

11.for an awesome job by next year!!

4 out of 11 wishes eliminated or granted..hehe not bad.. actually even if the only wish granted is number 1 i'll still be happy.. im not just happy im more.. i cant explain, mixed feelings? theres fear and excitement. i feel like there are a lot of places i can be.. a lot of things i can do.. i dont know where to start but i know when..hehe i feel fear because i just achieve something i could lose. but that wont stop me from trying. hayy.. why cant i express my feelings? i should bake something..hmm.. ;)

inked up!!

2008-07-15T22:53:00.000-07:00

i heart tattoos!! since i cant remember when. there are only a few persons around me that know this, it'll be a surprise for some of them if they found out i have one. well, the only ones i had before are temporary. and i got them because its summer and one when we had a play in high school. i just realized that my tattoo was not appropriate for the play. we were fairies , and my tattoo was on my arm!!!HaHa.. I'm one fairy you should not mess with!!
i like simple tattoo and the ones that have meaning for the person. the ones that does not look like a mess.
There were times before that id like to have a tattoo but never found the courage and seven best-unbreakable reasons to have one. i have a few reasons why i should not but now i already have answers for it.
1. my soon to be profession. before,i think it'll make it more difficult for people to have a decent work and in my line of "soon-to-be-work" i dont really think patients will be comfortable in the idea that their nurse have tattoos. now, i think people are more open and they accept the idea of self expression in any ways they would like.
2. i cant donate blood. this was before i knew that i really cant donate blood, I'm anemic and underweight for height. seeing me walk in a blood bank they'll think I'm a patient. ;) And i "heard" that after a few years of having a tattoo or body piercing, one can already donate blood.
3. i dont have seven best and unbreakable reason to have it. i dont think i need 7 best and unbreakable reasons before i would decide to have one. because i dont have any reasons not to!!
The movie Wanted woke up that sleeping side of me that's been thinking about the 7 best and unbreakable reasons. seeing Angelina Jolie with her tattoos makes me feel sexy.haha and envious at the same time, it makes me remember the line that was said in a sports channel were they featured extreme sports and one of the sports was surfing which is one of my frustrations besides tattoos. it was "We do what your mama won't let you!". Makes me wanna crawl out of my shell and bare myself to the world and be able to say that same line. i just dont know what is really keeping me but I'm feeling that the wait wont be long anymore. for now i'll just look at these pictures:

Sick-O

2008-07-12T04:43:00.000-07:00

i think and feel that I'm going to be sick.. with the flu and all that drama. i cant be sick, i have plans for tomorrow

1. watch whoever will windsurf at the boardwalk. or just walk

2. go to bebe's new house, crash it and maybe force bebe to cook for lunch.

3. watch something.

and On monday i want to see Paul. i/we miss him.

so i cant be sick. i have to drink something Now..

something to remember...

2008-07-09T00:05:00.000-07:00

i love to read this over and over and over again.. it makes me feel calm and look at things differently.. its from the book the five people you meet in heaven by Mitch Albom.

"Learn this from me. Holding anger is a poison. It eats you from inside. We think that hating is a weapon that attacks the person who harmed us. But hatred is a curved blade. And the harm we do, we do to ourselves." - Ruby

i really need to keep this in mind!!

Freaky..

2008-07-02T05:17:00.000-07:00

i hate small crawling animals and insects!!! i hate frogs, real frogs. its not their appearance that made me hate them its what they do to me. im an animal lover and i live peacefully with mother earth and nature, i have never done anything to give these little creatures reasons to hate me(as i can remember). and i especially hate how they always, as in always caught me off guard!!(they are the only creatures i think that could ever caught me off guard several times in my whole life and i know that what happend tonight could happen again). they're really sneaky and on time. so what happend is i was to go to our third floor to look for the cassete tape that comes with a book for reading. i need it for my niece because she's having a hard time reading and i think with her age she should be good by now. anyways im on the second step going to the third my left foot was left on the second step and as i raised it to take another step a lizard fell, its an adult lizard and its stout!! of all the places it could fell why on me? why on my foot? and im not sure if it actually fell or if it jumped on me. weird super weird, does it really aim for me? for a really small fellow i dont think its smart to jump on a big moving thing, and i dont think that lizards are brave creatures. a more weird thing that happend is that i didnt react abruptly or i didnt think that it could be a lizard, the thing that went in to my mind is that its a bra that clinged to my foot. i have no idea where that came from or why would i think that a bra is left on the stairs!! when i realized that it was a lizard i shook it off and i think it takes about 5 secs before it released it self from me. i hate it.. well i didnt scream coz its late already id probably wake my mom if i do, so i just kept the reaction and jumping quitely. another incident that happend before and this time its with a frog. my dog Alundra gave birth and she was staying at the back of our house, i think she feels safe there. anyways one night when i finished giving her dinner and i was to return to our house out of nowhere there it is blocking my way, staring at me(i think) i couldnt move when i saw it but i know that i was "cornered" there is nowhere to run for or even to jump up to, im in between the back of our house and just about a meter or less to the tall "fence". i called for my mom but theyre not taking me seriously, i think the distressing yell i made, made my dad come out and he was laughing at me saying. "anlaki laki mo eh." i dont think being bigger than the opponent is a major advantage especially when you are paralized by the moments you remember when seeing one, its like re-living the time when it all began. as my father was trying to make it go away instead of going the other way or the way where it can hide it went towards me! i was freaking scared!! i yelled like i was to be stabbed by a robber or a killer just showed up to my face!!. i cried!! all i can do is to step backwards and if it continued to go my way it would surely jump on me, just like what happend when i was little another frog had me cornered, i can still remember how it sort of walked towards me and i can still feel its skin, its feet and belly its wetness on my LEFT foot. i really think its attacking me, and up to now they always show up blocking my way, some i may not see and eventually ACCIDENTALLY kick. the point is they are blocking my way. so back to the story, my dad managed to move it somewhere, i dont know coz i was busy yelling and crying, so when he told me its gone i jumped off and run to our house, i have never felt so safe like that in our house ever!! i hope im not the only person with these kinds of experiences because so far, with all the people that i have told these stories no one ever have those kinds of "encounter". some of them are also left with a question of why?. some of them say that maybe they have something to tell me or i have connections with them. like what? i may SOMETIMES dream that our world be magical but couldnt i get a more pretty or nicer animal to get my attention? my friend len said that maybe its my prince, id say "i've never read that fairytale story and i never will!!"

Unofficial busy-ness.

2008-06-29T09:49:00.001-07:00

It's the first ever school year that I am not thinking about my first day in school, yey!! I just graduated and I'm in for a new surprise in my life. Even if I am not going to school anymore(for now) I was still scheduled to go to school, my nieces school! We enrolled them at the barangay DayCare center and Im their official yaya and I take them to school every morning Monday to Friday, well at first it was fun but when days turned to a week im getting tired and feeling kind-of locked up to that situation, I know I may have that "motherly" thing going on me, I even receive greetings on mothers day from my friends but in reality im not a mother so I would, could and SHOULD not be doing that for a long time, ill die of frustrations. When im feeling kinda LOCKED up in a situation I don't enjoy, ideas of what I want to do or what I could have been doing run thru my mind and make me feel frustrated, I know lots of people experience that sometimes. Here are some of the advantages and disadvantages that I can think about whether I should stop taking the responsibility or not:

ADVANTAGES:

My 3 year old nieces are learning and meeting new "different" people making them know how to socialize and making them realize how they should act when there are other people around them.
I'm doing something instead of sleeping

DISADVANTAGES:

Im in vacation. It's ruining it.
If I have to go on a job hunt, I cant go in the morning because their schedule is 8-11am
If I really have to go the only alternative person is my mom. (I don't really like that idea)[temporary]
If i would suggest that they would stop going to school, I am such a bad influence.
If not now it'll be soon that I have to do something else, and my mom would take place, with her age she should not be doing something stressful.[more likely to be permanent]

I cant decide with what to do but I know I have to talk to my mom about this.

The little kids are enjoying so ill have to stay with it for now, I love seeing them in school anyways just not the fact that I have to stay inside the classroom because they don't want me to go outside.hehe

Here are some of their pictures: ;)

Netania during break time.

Kaitlyn coloring the kite red .;)

The two of them getting their Books from teacher.

Endless Possibilities..

2008-06-29T08:15:00.001-07:00

How would you know if an opportunity or a chance given to you is the right one? Is it because it will make things easier? Is it because it will help you do things you like? What if it only looks right but doesn't feel right, is it the one? What if everyone says go for it? What if most of the people important to you says its right but the decision is still up to you, meaning you can say NO and it's still OK? Does deciding for your future have a deadline? Like you have to decide by this time or you will not achieve your dreams.. what if you already have a goal and you're still not sure of how to achieve it then this "OPPURTUNITY" is given to you but you think its against your ways?

I know that many persons that if given this "opportunity" would grab it but I don't really think I belong to those "many people". I have suggested this to other people and tell them it's a good thing but I never thought that if it would be given to me ill be this way. Obviously, I don't like the idea but I just don't know how to put an end to this opportunity in a calm and nice way and the fact that I haven't really earned the right to decide for myself yet when it comes to this SOMEBODY, its really hard, I'll just end up as a disappointment again. I know that she really wants this, I can tell by how she tries to manipulate the words she says and the way she say "other people say" it. I believe that she only wants the best for me even though it kind'a looks selfish to me. I don't really want to take it, I already have a plan for my future and if an opportunity that fits my plan comes then for me it'll be the right one. It wouldn't matter if it doesn't make things easier for me or it'll take a very long time as long as it FITS to my plan then I'll take it. i don't really have this well-planned and well-thought-of PLAN it can still use some revisions and change from time to time but I think its just right that way, I could never tell how my next year would be or what my first job is, or where I would take myself or if I could really have a job at all but holding to that plan gives me some sort of direction that I can check when im doubting myself. There could be another opportunity for me or other possibilities that I should look at, I don't think that a right thing would feel wrong, would it? well this one feels wrong for me, I don't think my conscience would allow me to take it, my conscience is really strong, that if I did something illegal I may get caught. I lie sometimes but I never got interrogated so I never have the chance to put it to test but there was this time, in high school where some of our classmates were late and they were not allowed to enter the classroom until the quiz is done. Me and my friends decided to write a quiz for them and pass it, so when our teacher checked the names of the paper she saw that the late students passed their papers with complete answers, of course she knows that there's an "inside" job but no one is speaking so she just let it go but didn't count their papers, after our class I was still shaking, I'm thinking that she might recognize my handwriting or whatever, bottom-line is even with just that simple act my conscience are taking over me, I could not do anything more bad-"er" to that.. this is how I feel with this said opportunity, it feels really wrong and bad. Maybe I just don't have that courage yet, or that Will for that step. I also think that in achieving your goals you don't have to sacrifice a lot of things, maybe I don't really want to do it right now, maybe I haven't really done what I'm suppose to do before I do things for myself yet. There's just so many things I think I have to fix first before I would go to another path or level in my life. ;) hayz.. am I really serious?..hmm

TITLed!!

2008-06-14T11:47:00.000-07:00

im working on the blog theme and layout.. i could not find a perfect theme.. maybe i just need more time and i really need to remember how to work with the HTML thing but im happy that it now have a title..weehee!!! yEY and hurrAY!!! ;)

The Aeih-volution!!

2008-06-09T00:02:00.000-07:00

as i was cleaning my room the other day i saw my photo album with all my great adventures and colorful childhood days..hehe and i noticed that with my changing hairstyles and clothe preferences something stayed!!.. i always have bangs, i think the last time that i had a bangs was when i was in grade school like grade 5 or 4.. i just remembered why i let my hair grow. my then (sort-of) long haired brother and i had a dare, whoever have the longest bangs will win, i cant remember what the price is or who wins but that's probably the reason. anyways.. i cant imagine how i would look now if i would have a bangs but since i wanted a new look and most of my friends have it.. i courageously cut my hair. now i have bAngs (again).. its a mess but i lurve it!!super!! its not really a new look coz I've always had bangs before but its really a surprise to most of the people around me now..hehe
i scanned my old pictures, look how i changed/(evolved)..hehe

my barkadas first ever dinner (june 2008!!) yey!! wish you were here Paul!!!

im back!!

2008-06-04T08:51:00.000-07:00

after almost a month long of trying to review im now putting myself together to pursue the change i need. i must say the experiences that i had for the past month already changed me but somehow something tells me that i might be just soo preOccupied with the progressing anxiety and stressful thought of the Exam that i thought i changed coz i was doin just fine away from the safety of our home and not being able to eat properly. i need a plan for that change i want and i need to be firm about it. where do i start?..

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what happened last month..

well i was reviewing but it was more like studying coz most of the things im suppose to REview was new to me its like i didn't learn anything before. i so hope i would pass even just an exact passing grade of 75 would do.. it would be much appreciated, super!! i hope ive done enough to pass i would not want to repeat the torturing days of reviewing and the stress of the day of the exams.. i was cold as in like a stone at those days, my classmates noticed it somehow my friend told me that i have no extreme reactions like before and i reject bad feelings like sadness and my other classmate asked me why i look so anxious. well of course i denied and give another possible feelings but i think hes right that I'm anxious. that's just probably how im coping and keeping myself sane.

i had the feeling of depriving myself of good things so that i would be worthy to pass and that i would not find any reason to blame myself if i dont pass, i think i failed somehow with that thought, i convinced some of my classmates to watch the pyro Olympics held in mall of Asia every Saturday of may. we went there one Saturday but it was just a plain waste of time it was raining really hard and i can feel that my classmates dont really want to watch, they are very discouraging. we only heard the fireworks and see the sides of what supposed to be a very stunning view. its sad. super! i love fireworks they're really pretty, they make me feel relaxed, like floating which was what i need for that month.another thing is, i told myself that i would not go home coz id use the time to read and understand the things im having a hard time on but i still went home well i think its valid coz it was mothers day and i gave my mom a cake. the other time i went home was to get money.hehe and i eventually stayed longer than i have planned bcoz i watched T.V. the whole day(another thing im depriving myself of) . i wish i could put more stories of what happened, i just can't seem to remember anything else, i'll just post pictures when i got the copies.
even if its torturing i still had a great time. i'm super gonna miss it!! ;) but i would not want to do it again.

birthdays...

2008-04-29T09:01:00.000-07:00

happy birthday to me..

its my day and im off to manila for my critical review, its 12:00am and i cant fit my things on my bagS. i want to sleep. anyways i just want to post my wish list just like from the other blogs i read and hopefully be able to have them either as a form of gifts or I'll give/buy to myself or by divine interventions just before my next birthday comes. i wish...
1. to pass the board exams and my friends and classmates too!! this June 100% please!! (purely divine intervention)

2. for a peaceful vacation to a beach and learn surfing..

3. for a Digital camera

4. for aPSP

5.for an ipod touch

6.for a Rottweiler or a cocker spaniel

7. for a date with mike shinoda(i must be sleeping now..)

8.for a laptop

9. for a new cellphone

10.for a body piercing

11.for an awesome job by next year!!

my new year resolutions.. (i do know what the date is, i just think that a new year's resolution should be done on your birthday instead of Jan. 1. i just ended a year of my life and another one is given so I've taken time to reflect on the past year and saw how I've been and that i should come up with a resolution for my new year. i hope you'd understand ;)

to be more active(so that i can be more productive)I'm really lazy, i always tell myself to just relax because of the stress my course is giving me but i think i rest to much i haven't been doing chores for a year now.. i guess if i would be active i can do lots of things that i haven't done before so i think its the only resolution i have to make. it already covers everything i should do and change..

oUch!!

2008-04-24T09:59:00.000-07:00

hayyy... im so broken hearted...... wtF!!! im officially beginning to hate this addictive personality i have, its starting to show the bad side of being an addict.. hayy.. sad...

the broken hearted thing..... well there's this attractive, super astig, suplado looking, simple pero rock, long hair, cute smile(never failed to make me smile too!!), yummy body tall guy that i just saw and liked super right away, like a love at first sight thing.. well from that day on I'm on a hunt for his pictures and info(sa Internet), sadly i only found pictures, i don't know why but i don't copy or save his pictures in my PC, its weird because i would feel guilty if i would try to. then just today i found new set of pictures of him and a lot his friends from a multiply site of his friend(I'm so A stalker) then found out that -of course for a guy like him its hard to stay single- he have a girl friend and I'm not sure if he's the father of the little girl but the point is that reality just hit me(so many times) again super how could a guy like him actually notice me if ever we would bump into each other in the future when he is obviously surrounded by those pretty-can wear all those clothes and bikinis that i cant wear for some maria Clara like reasons-girls. well i had the chance to think of changing myself because this addictive kind of thinking is not helping especially now that i have to review but instead I'd kill my time looking for pictures of him and info's that only hurts me. and i don't know why(again) but since I'm broken hearted and should stop looking for info's about him i still look for it and the only good thing about it is that i learned they just broke up for some bad reasons about the guy that I'm not sure of(I'm only reading the info's on blogs, they don't really write the good stuffs..hehe) and I'm only reading the side of the girl and shes emotional so theres this tiny light of hope that he could still be a good person (just how i thought he would be). for now i have to use this feeling to motivate me to review, gosh the board exam is coming and im just sitting here.. stupid thing to do but im still here and i put my blog back what a nice move.. noh? hayy..

so the change thing can wait 'til the results of the exam is out and if it says i passed because if i don't i have to drown myself to a real a couple of months long of review away from the comforts of my uncomfortable home and loved ones... that's my punishment for me if that happened... and that could also mean that this blog would be like this for a long time unless somebody would be super nice to help me(actually do it alone) make my template.. my gift for myself would be a vacation to wherever my bugdet can take me.. hopefully somewhere i can learn to surf, my first choice would be US but thats like too good to be true.

just to clear about the addict thing.. i don't do drugs.. i think i do worst..hehe.. my addiction started when i was in elementary(primary) whatever its called or maybe earlier i just don't remember.. I'm addicted to soft drinks preferably coke or Pepsi.. its an addiction because its bad for me but i keep drinking it, its like my water and i don't drink water that does not have a little taste i don't know how to describe it but i feel sick if i would drink 1 glass of water but i can go for more coke even if i already drank 1.5 liter of it. it can be a psychological thing because some other addictions I'm suppose to have i have already stopped/prevented like smoking and alcohol maybe its because I'm surrounded by friends that don't smoke and drink a lot and they told me they'll kill me if i would which was really scary because i think they can do that for my own good..hehe(jowk) well, honestly at the time i was teasing them that i smoke and drink, its actually true but i just denied it and lied, told them i was just playing them..hehe what a nice friend..he he so the question is how can i battle myself to stop this addiction because its really hurting me, not only the stalker kind of addict and the drinking addict because I'm feeling pain in all the places i can imagine(physical and emotional pain that is) and the fact that our family have history of diabetes doesn't make it easier. im still young to die. and i swear i havent done my purpose not even close. i think i really need that change..as in now..

first post

2008-04-23T02:47:00.000-07:00

new blog for new life... my first blog which i just erased moments ago have 43 post for the last 4-5years and the last post was way back year 2006.. didn't have enough time to post somethings and i forgot about it.. now the reason i erased it and created a new one instead of continuing the old one is because i hate the old one. well before, i do like it but now after almost two years of no blogging just friendster and email i don't. a lot of things have changed especially WITH me, and maybe its one of the reasons why but I'm sure that ill be posting just like before, not SO very often..