Unofficial busy-ness.

It's the first ever school year that I am not thinking about my first day in school, yey!! I just graduated and I'm in for a new surprise in my life. Even if I am not going to school anymore(for now) I was still scheduled to go to school, my nieces school! We enrolled them at the barangay DayCare center and Im their official yaya and I take them to school every morning Monday to Friday, well at first it was fun but when days turned to a week im getting tired and feeling kind-of locked up to that situation, I know I may have that "motherly" thing going on me, I even receive greetings on mothers day from my friends but in reality im not a mother so I would, could and SHOULD not be doing that for a long time, ill die of frustrations. When im feeling kinda LOCKED up in a situation I don't enjoy, ideas of what I want to do or what I could have been doing run thru my mind and make me feel frustrated, I know lots of people experience that sometimes. Here are some of the advantages and disadvantages that I can think about whether I should stop taking the responsibility or not:

ADVANTAGES:

1. My 3 year old nieces are learning and meeting new "different" people making them know how to socialize and making them realize how they should act when there are other people around them.
   
2. I'm doing something instead of sleeping
   

DISADVANTAGES:

1. Im in vacation. It's ruining it.
   
2. If I have to go on a job hunt, I cant go in the morning because their schedule is 8-11am
   
3. If I really have to go the only alternative person is my mom. (I don't really like that idea)[temporary]
   
4. If i would suggest that they would stop going to school, I am such a bad influence.
   
5. If not now it'll be soon that I have to do something else, and my mom would take place, with her age she should not be doing something stressful.[more likely to be permanent]
   

I cant decide with what to do but I know I have to talk to my mom about this.

The little kids are enjoying so ill have to stay with it for now, I love seeing them in school anyways just not the fact that I have to stay inside the classroom because they don't want me to go outside.hehe

Here are some of their pictures: ;)

Netania during break time.

Kaitlyn coloring the kite red .;)

The two of them getting their Books from teacher.

Endless Possibilities..

How would you know if an opportunity or a chance given to you is the right one? Is it because it will make things easier? Is it because it will help you do things you like? What if it only looks right but doesn't feel right, is it the one? What if everyone says go for it? What if most of the people important to you says its right but the decision is still up to you, meaning you can say NO and it's still OK? Does deciding for your future have a deadline? Like you have to decide by this time or you will not achieve your dreams.. what if you already have a goal and you're still not sure of how to achieve it then this "OPPURTUNITY" is given to you but you think its against your ways?

I know that many persons that if given this "opportunity" would grab it but I don't really think I belong to those "many people". I have suggested this to other people and tell them it's a good thing but I never thought that if it would be given to me ill be this way. Obviously, I don't like the idea but I just don't know how to put an end to this opportunity in a calm and nice way and the fact that I haven't really earned the right to decide for myself yet when it comes to this SOMEBODY, its really hard, I'll just end up as a disappointment again. I know that she really wants this, I can tell by how she tries to manipulate the words she says and the way she say "other people say" it. I believe that she only wants the best for me even though it kind'a looks selfish to me. I don't really want to take it, I already have a plan for my future and if an opportunity that fits my plan comes then for me it'll be the right one. It wouldn't matter if it doesn't make things easier for me or it'll take a very long time as long as it FITS to my plan then I'll take it. i don't really have this well-planned and well-thought-of PLAN it can still use some revisions and change from time to time but I think its just right that way, I could never tell how my next year would be or what my first job is, or where I would take myself or if I could really have a job at all but holding to that plan gives me some sort of direction that I can check when im doubting myself. There could be another opportunity for me or other possibilities that I should look at, I don't think that a right thing would feel wrong, would it? well this one feels wrong for me, I don't think my conscience would allow me to take it, my conscience is really strong, that if I did something illegal I may get caught. I lie sometimes but I never got interrogated so I never have the chance to put it to test but there was this time, in high school where some of our classmates were late and they were not allowed to enter the classroom until the quiz is done. Me and my friends decided to write a quiz for them and pass it, so when our teacher checked the names of the paper she saw that the late students passed their papers with complete answers, of course she knows that there's an "inside" job but no one is speaking so she just let it go but didn't count their papers, after our class I was still shaking, I'm thinking that she might recognize my handwriting or whatever, bottom-line is even with just that simple act my conscience are taking over me, I could not do anything more bad-"er" to that.. this is how I feel with this said opportunity, it feels really wrong and bad. Maybe I just don't have that courage yet, or that Will for that step. I also think that in achieving your goals you don't have to sacrifice a lot of things, maybe I don't really want to do it right now, maybe I haven't really done what I'm suppose to do before I do things for myself yet. There's just so many things I think I have to fix first before I would go to another path or level in my life. ;) hayz.. am I really serious?..hmm

TITLed!!

im working on the blog theme and layout.. i could not find a perfect theme.. maybe i just need more time and i really need to remember how to work with the HTML thing but im happy that it now have a title..weehee!!! yEY and hurrAY!!! ;)

The Aeih-volution!!

as i was cleaning my room the other day i saw my photo album with all my great adventures and colorful childhood days..hehe and i noticed that with my changing hairstyles and clothe preferences something stayed!!.. i always have bangs, i think the last time that i had a bangs was when i was in grade school like grade 5 or 4.. i just remembered why i let my hair grow. my then (sort-of) long haired brother and i had a dare, whoever have the longest bangs will win, i cant remember what the price is or who wins but that's probably the reason. anyways.. i cant imagine how i would look now if i would have a bangs but since i wanted a new look and most of my friends have it.. i courageously cut my hair. now i have bAngs (again).. its a mess but i lurve it!!super!! its not really a new look coz I've always had bangs before but its really a surprise to most of the people around me now..hehe
i scanned my old pictures, look how i changed/(evolved)..hehe

my barkadas first ever dinner (june 2008!!) yey!! wish you were here Paul!!!

im back!!

after almost a month long of trying to review im now putting myself together to pursue the change i need. i must say the experiences that i had for the past month already changed me but somehow something tells me that i might be just soo preOccupied with the progressing anxiety and stressful thought of the Exam that i thought i changed coz i was doin just fine away from the safety of our home and not being able to eat properly. i need a plan for that change i want and i need to be firm about it. where do i start?..

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what happened last month..

well i was reviewing but it was more like studying coz most of the things im suppose to REview was new to me its like i didn't learn anything before. i so hope i would pass even just an exact passing grade of 75 would do.. it would be much appreciated, super!! i hope ive done enough to pass i would not want to repeat the torturing days of reviewing and the stress of the day of the exams.. i was cold as in like a stone at those days, my classmates noticed it somehow my friend told me that i have no extreme reactions like before and i reject bad feelings like sadness and my other classmate asked me why i look so anxious. well of course i denied and give another possible feelings but i think hes right that I'm anxious. that's just probably how im coping and keeping myself sane.

i had the feeling of depriving myself of good things so that i would be worthy to pass and that i would not find any reason to blame myself if i dont pass, i think i failed somehow with that thought, i convinced some of my classmates to watch the pyro Olympics held in mall of Asia every Saturday of may. we went there one Saturday but it was just a plain waste of time it was raining really hard and i can feel that my classmates dont really want to watch, they are very discouraging. we only heard the fireworks and see the sides of what supposed to be a very stunning view. its sad. super! i love fireworks they're really pretty, they make me feel relaxed, like floating which was what i need for that month.another thing is, i told myself that i would not go home coz id use the time to read and understand the things im having a hard time on but i still went home well i think its valid coz it was mothers day and i gave my mom a cake. the other time i went home was to get money.hehe and i eventually stayed longer than i have planned bcoz i watched T.V. the whole day(another thing im depriving myself of) . i wish i could put more stories of what happened, i just can't seem to remember anything else, i'll just post pictures when i got the copies.
even if its torturing i still had a great time. i'm super gonna miss it!! ;) but i would not want to do it again.